I've spent a lifetime remodeling myself. I've made mistakes, survived failures and had big wins but after every adventure, I always ended up at the same point. Remodeling continuously is exhausting. It has been like the quest for the holy grail - I wasn't sure I was woman enough or had enough years to find happiness.
Once I did find a solution, it has been like angels singing every morning! (unless I'm dealing with technology...).
I've designed a common sense approach to help other resilient women reclaim their power and rewrite the next chapter. It is my mission to help YOU shorten your journey.
MY STORY and EPIPHANY...
I’d been looking for HAPPINESS my whole life. While I'd crossed off some cool “bucket list” items, I kept ending up in the same cul de sac. I felt broken. I was exhausted.
Since childhood, I had struggled with my emotions, especially anger. My coping mechanism was to quit talking, work harder and stuff my emotions down... until they spewed out. Then I felt shame and embarrassment that I couldn't control myself or them.
I got two degrees in psychology, tried counseling, visualizing, meditation, energy healing, workshops, reading books...you name it, I tried it. On the outside, I seemed "whole", but inside there was a pain that never completely disappeared. But I convinced myself that I had handled my emotional baggage.
Fast forward and I was living my dream of owning and running a ranch. My partner and I built a ranch from the ground up, bought cattle, more property and ran constantly. As the pressure increased, his verbal abuse increased. In turn, I resorted to old habits by working harder and stuffing my emotions, hoping he would realize how valuable I was.
Then one day I lost my mind. We were working cattle and I did something “wrong”. My partner started in and the volcano erupted. I screamed at the top of my lungs and it just kept coming.
Vile, hateful, mean words.
Momentarily, I stepped out of my body and looked back at myself.
Who was this woman?
I didn’t like her. I didn’t want to be her. It was uncomfortable to be in her body.
I dropped back into my body, shut my mouth and rode off to the house. At the moment, I knew I had to find a solution or buried anger would kill me.
In order to survive, I shrank and, at one point, believed that a strong wind would blow me off the face of the earth.
It was a scary, lonely, painful place. I couldn’t fully accept how much rage and hate was buried just below the surface. I seemed incapable of fixing myself.
I started yet another self remodel as well as a house remodel. As I scraped ceilings, I realized I needed to scrape off old beliefs and ideas. I couldn't keep patching what wasn't working. I had to take out rotten floor boards and fix a shaky foundation.
When a mentor asked, "You know you have a hurt inside that needs to be healed?", it was a relief that someone else saw the "real" me. My assignment was to reconcile the past story of me, no matter how silly it seemed.
My story wasn't traumatic from an outside point of view. But it was traumatic at a time when I was developing my beliefs about myself, others and the world.
I tried out for the boys basketball team in junior high.
The practices were every morning for a week. The boys were not kind, I had new bruises every night. The coaches were oblivious; the girls basketball coach showed up to frown and shake her head. The girls' team distanced themselves. Friends disappeared, the school shunned me, my mother never said a word. The general opinion was I had committed a felony.
When I could see all the underlying beliefs that were formed from this experience and how they had played out in my life, I was shocked. I took on ridiculous challenges to reclaim my value by proving myself to the world and especially men. I felt like I had to be tough regardless of the circumstances.
Anger was buried under humiliation, shame, fear, confusion. I couldn’t articulate in junior high that I had lost my power, but I felt squashed and shrank to a smaller person in order to survive - my survival technique throughout my adult life.
Buried alongside the hurt were dormant superpowers. By devaluing the past, I had also underestimated my abilities. It cost me so much time to find out how to let go of the past. The grail I was looking for was within me the whole time.
If I can reclaim and rewrite my next chapter. YOU CAN TOO!!
It's time to channel your emotions and claim your superpowers!
Showing YOU how to reconcile your past without years in therapy is my mission!
It is possible to love your life again!
Be RELENTLESS - learn more about working with me.
These are my underlying assumptions in working with you:
⬤ No one is broken.
⬤ NO dumpster diving into every hurt in your life-there are 1 or 2 stories where you lost your value.
⬤ When you resolve your hurt, superpowers will emerge.
⬤ Until you resolve your past, you are destined to repeat it.
⬤ Time does not heal all wounds, it just buries them deeper.
⬤ Action creates transformation.
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